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Turner Prize

I have always wanted to win the Turner Prize and I believe I have the 'talent' to succeed. Already I have tried to infiltrate arty circles in order to carry favour for future submissions. Hanging around in wine bars with a side parted wig has almost become second nature to me.

Damien Hirst: You better be ready

I have several ideas which are dead certs However, I'm keeping these to myself as I mentioned to a friend an idea once in a pub and the next thing I knew Damien Hirst had put a shark in phameldahide. I think we could all learn something from that.